Richard Book is Innocent (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
oxfordtweed) wrote2010-07-23 09:43 am
oxfordtweed) wrote2010-07-23 09:43 am
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Interview
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yakalskovich gave me five interview questions. Here are my answers.1. You live in Vegas, realm of hyperrealism, where other people go for slightly strange vacations made up of gambling, world class live shows, and intentionally trashy weirdness. Also, CSI. What is the best thing about it for you, and what's the worst?
I could do without 95°F at 2am. Really, that's the only thing I don't fancy. And the public transport. After living in the Portland area for about 20 years, I do miss reliable buses that run 24 hours and actually follow the timetables.
I must say, though, that I do really enjoy the hyperrealism and sheer absurdity of this place. I've never been anywhere else where I can walk into a corner shop and buy nail polish, sushi, and a new pair of shoes.
2. If you could change one fact about reality as we know it, what would it be, and why?
Hmm, that's a tough one. I'm not sure, actually. I've always sort of seen the universe as a dark comedy; even if I'm not outwardly laughing, I find most things in life funny as hell. I'm not exactly sure if I'd want an of it to change.
3. Talk about your cats! Add pictures if you like.
This is Cosmo. He's four, and absurdly difficult to photograph. Probably because when he does get his pictures taken, it's when my husband dresses him up like this.
Cosmo was born from a stray that my flatmate had taken in. He's named after Cosmo Kramer (the annoying neighbour from Seinfeld). We took him and Tram (the other surviving kitten), as well as their mother (who never actually had a name, but she eventually started answering to Stupid Whore, which we thought was funny) when we moved, because my flatmate was moving as well, and the building she was moving to didn't allow pets. Unfortunately, when the kittens were far too young to be separated, Tram climbed out of a window and we never saw him again, and now Cosmo can't stand being alone. If he even thinks he's been forgotten, he'll run into the room and start being loud. There's a bit of irony in that, considering his namesake. The last time we took him to the vet, he weighed in at about 15 pounds. She told us that he's underweight for his size, but we've no idea how to get a cat to gain weight.
Speaking of Dexter, here he is. Unlike Cosmo, he is a total ham, and will pose for the camera. He was born from that same Stupid Whore cat about a year after Cosmo. Once Dexter and the female from the litter were old enough, we got rid of the girls, and kept the boys. Dexter is named for Dexter Morgan. I have a massive scar on my thigh from when Dexter was a kitten. I was at the computer in my underwear (we were living in Death Valley at the time), and Dex wanted up on my lap. Being a kitten, he was rather uncoordinated, and the whole affair ended with a lot of bleeding. Again, there's irony there, given his namesake. Dexter is the baby. He only weighs about 13 pounds, and is also underweight. But, seriously.How do you get a creature to gain weight when it sleeps for 20 hours a day?
People say that you can't train cats. This is a lie. Our boys only know one traditional command. They know "lie down," which only ever gets used when they want lap time. They tend to like to just stand with all four of their feet situated within about four square inches on my stomach, which really hurts. They know loads of other, more abstract phrases though, which almost gives the impression that we've taught them to reason. Our "commands" are structured like, "Are you allowed to be up there?" (get down) or, "Get your fingers out of that!" (for when they claw up the sofa). My favourite, catch-all phrase is "Don't let poppa catch you doing that." That one started out from a time when Dexter had started chewing on Ryan's bootlaces, but has turned into a general sort of, "stop being a dick" command. They also know hand signals, and simple commands like, "fuck off" (get out of my seat) or "I will destroy you," (shut up). They do respond better to Ryan than they do to me, though. Half the time, he just has to look at them, and they do what he wants.
4. You live car-free in a small apartment, in a place dominated by large (if not always well-made) cardboard McMansions, where even the homeless sometimes still have cars and public transport is notoriously iffy. What are the most obvious advantages and limits of that mode of living?
Have I ever gone into my reasons, publicly, for not driving? If not, or for those who missed it, there's actually a huge reason behind it. Given my state of health, it would seem logical that I should have a car, but I have horrible anxiety issues, which I only learned a few years ago were linked Asperger's Syndrome, and they sort of wax and wane. I've been getting better at dealing with them in some aspects of life, but I still will find myself randomly freaking the fuck out for no damn good reason. I partly don't drive because I really don't want to be in charge of a piece of heavy machinery when my moods decide to play up. Also, every time I've tried to learn, I've lost my shit after about ten minutes. Driving scares the hell out of me. I'm the worst petrolhead ever.
Ryan does have a license, but he sold his car a few years ago for financial reasons. AKA, it was going to cost us about $5000 to get it registered in Nevada for a bunch of bullshit reasons, and he just never bothered buying a new one.
This is a major consideration whenever we relocate. Bus lines are a must, and it must be in an area with "stuff." Stuff, in our current location, is defined as a few restaurants, a 24 hour supermarket, and a branch of our bank. We're about two miles from Caesar's Palace (where Ryan works), and over the winter, he bought a bicycle to further save money (since bus passes are about $80 a month). I can handle the shopping (usually) since the Vons is just across the street, but Ryan's been in charge of the bank lately. It's actually about a mile away, and I can handle it, but just barely. It's just easier for him to hop on his bike and get the rent cheque that way.
5. A Dream Vacation, or one place you'd like to visit in the course of your life.
My dream vacation is the road trip variety. I'm all about the journey, with the destination coming second. We're trying to work out a trip to San Francisco again, since it's been a few years since we went up there (and it's a lovely drive between Vegas and Frisco), but Ryan has problems getting time off, given his job.
Feel free to comment in if you want me to interview you.
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Absolutely!! My cats meekly leave my room at night when I tell them to so I can convert it into night configuration and sleep. They know from the sound of the computer shutting down that they are now supposed to go. Lucifer sometimes makes a great show of stretching, and needs a special invitation before he reacts, but then goes as well. Even more complicated, Lucifer is currently learning that he's allowed to have the leftover milk in the cereal bowl when I ping it with the spoon, but not before. They also know not to touch the computer or bite cables. I had thought that was unavoidable in cats, but managed to teach Svava, my former part-time cat from upstairs (she was a cat full time, but with me only part-time, when her owners were gone, which was the case quite often), and then did the same with Lucifer when he was little. I had to rub the cables with citronella oil at one stage, but he never tried again. Then, and this is really amazing, he taught Mephisto. I didn't have to do anything, he just trained his little brother in what to do and what to avoid. Mephi never tried to even touch the computer, or bite cables. I never even saw Lucifer keeping him from it. No idea how they communicate such comparatively complex ideas among each other, but they did it.
I think the misunderstanding came up because you can't really punish cats after the fact, like you'd push a dog's nose into something and tell him or her off. You need to catch a cat doing whatever it is they're not supposed to, and tell them off sharply. They don't like loud noises, so a loud sharp exclamation of NO!!!! usually does the trick once and for all.
Teaching them under which circumstances they're allowed to watch me in the bathroom is an ongoing endeavour. Usually, they're allowed to keep me company when I'm in the tub, but I find that being staaaaaaared at by two pairs of amber eyes turns some of the TMI type things one is required to do for the sake of one's cleanliness and good condition from 'ick' and 'ouch' into aggravating. But they are learning -- I no longer need to shout at them loudly, but a simple if energetic 'shoo!' will drive them away.
Erm, sorry for tl;dr-ing on you because of that one sentence...
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I think subconsciously, we knew early on that the cats would sort of be our surrogate children, which may be why they don't know commands, but rather really stupid phrases.
They've both had one instance of cable-chewing and being underfoot in the kitchen. And both learned to avoid such things in the same way. They've both been electrocuted, and they've both had hot pasta sauce spilt on them. You can bet that they've never chewed a wire since, and get the hell out of the kitchen when we're in there.
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2. If you had a choice between giving up visual media (film, television) or music, which would you chose?
3. Marry, Shag, or Kill: Nick Frost, Ade Edmonson, or Hugh Laurie?
4. If someone wrote a book about you, what would it be called?
5. You find an envelope on the street. In it is $20,000 and a business card. The address on it is a block away. What would you do?
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Scientific evidence in case anyone dares argue the fact. (http://merrymatryoshka.livejournal.com/64421.html#cutid1)
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